Twinkle Cracked
by Keaira Rogue
Summary: *CRACK FIC* Albus has a dream induced by one Severus Snape who feels it is time to put a stop to Albus's insane eye twinkle. Minerva, Flitwick, and the rest of the staff enjoy the fallout. LOTR and HP. No pairings, just randomness. R&R as you like.


Greetings all, I apologize in advance and warn that this is made completely of crack (and a snipet from a dream my roommate had) and the screams of fangirls/boys everywhere.

Disclaimer: Own the Harry Potter books, I do not. This is also true for the mighty tomes known as the Lord of the Rings.

Albus Dumbledore looked up in surprise when the walls around him dissolved and he found himself standing at the edge of Hogmeade looking down into the sleepy little village.

"What's all this then?" Bilbo Baggins poked him with his pipe, in between blowing smoke rings, and then nodded over to where Gimli and Hagrid were having a drinking contest with what looked like fire whiskey.

"I'm afraid I have no idea," Albus answered as Aragorn rushed by chasing Ronald Weasley yelling something about being the real king.

"Been fighting too many evil lords lately," Bilbo nodded sagely, "Though white is your color."

Albus said nothing as he watched in confusion as, just as Harry was leaning in to kiss Hermione under the starry sky, Froto flew in on a dragon and set the village on fire. Peeves and Smeagle seemed to have teamed up and the former was carrying the latter were dive bombing Sam with potatoes. Meri, Pippin, Fred, and George ran by holding a mixture of fireworks, carrots, and other various prank products.

"Bilbo, what the Devil's name is going on here?"

"You called?" one Tom M. Riddle appeared in front of them.

"What are you doing here?" Albus very nearly yelped.

"You called for the Devil," Bilbo offered, "Though I thought 'e had a nose."

"Well, really I'm here to be entertained by that," Voldemort turned to face the madness around them and pointed to Malfoy Sr. and Legolas, who were having what could only be described as a pretty off, "Personally I think Legolas has the win, but it is funny to watch Malfoy try."

Back in the castle Snape, McGonagall, and Flitwick stood in front of Albus's desk gazing down on the man, their expressions mixed with confusion, worry, and relief. It appeared as though he was asleep, but every few seconds he twitched rather violently.

"What in Merlin's name did you give him Severus?" Minerva asked.

Severus turned to face the other two, his eyes wide, "You can't blame me. You saw the evil twinkle! He was going crazy. If we let him go on he'd have made us put on a Lord of the Rings play. A play, need I remind you, that we would have participated in and likely would be recorded."

"There is no denying that the twinkle needed to be stopped, when Albus' twinkle is going unfortunate events tend to occur, but what did you do?" Flitwick pressed.

"Oh, well, basically I just put him to sleep and let his imagination do the rest," Snape shrugged.

Minerva and Flitwick nodded and then Minerva reached over to shake the headmaster awake.

"Orc love!" the old wizard shouted as he woke, then blinked in surprise at his three coworkers.

They glanced at each other before Flitwick spoke up, "You asked us to come by to explain more about your play idea."

"Play?" Albus asked blinking slowly and trying to rid is mind of the image of orcs mating with trolls.

"Yes, the one you were suggesting based on the plot of the Lord of the Rings," Minerva reminded him, raising an eyebrow as he flinched at her words.

"You know Frodo, elves, semi-romance, orcs…" Severus began.

"I think we can scrap that idea," Albus interrupted quickly, "Too much to focus on right now and the students need to be thinking about their work."

The three professors nodded, left the office, and exchanged looks before heading off in different directions. For the next few weeks staff members would innocently say something related to the Headmaster's canceled plan and enjoy watching the twitch and look horrified.

Well, that's all she wrote, quite literally actually so forget I said that. Let me know what you think, but please don't yell at me because, remember, this was written all in good fun.

~Ke


End file.
